im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
