That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
