I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
