just tell him i said nine months
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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