Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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