Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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