I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
