guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
