Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Panties = found
Randomize
