that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
