I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
