yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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