so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
