Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize