It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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