I wish I could punch you in the face.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
