Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
