If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
