he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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