she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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