well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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