what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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