I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
