Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
