Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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