dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there's paper in my vomit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
