Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
