I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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