Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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