10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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