Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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