Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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