yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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