He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
