You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
