good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
