evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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