I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
