just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
