so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
