whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
