My first STD was from a foam party
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
