not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
