If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
third nipple confirmed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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