Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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