i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
