is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
