Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
