There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
