so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
