We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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