that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
