he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
