just come out here and I will go home with you...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
