What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
