Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The adults are the big ones right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
