I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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