I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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