the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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