May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
