Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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