My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
