i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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