I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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