i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
