So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
