Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
