I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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