My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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