Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize