I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
