You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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