I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
