I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
