I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
