i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
