I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This baby is an asshole
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You ruined the universe
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
