Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
