i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
