The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
