girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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