I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
